I was thrilled when a music teacher friend posted on social media that she was proud of bathing and changing her sheets. It inspired me to engage in those same activities on a gray day. My parents were both musicians, teachers turned ministers. They said, “practice makes perfect.” They said, “that attitude will never get you to Carnegie Hall.” They said, “You’re smarter than this. I know you can do better.” They were lovely people who both left this earth too early. But I never heard the phrase Cs get degrees until after grad school. I heard it from a psychology professor friend. If you’ve been to grad school you know this isn’t exactly true for Master’s and Doctorate degrees. Still, I had implemented my father’s advice “always sit in the front of the classroom” finally for my counseling degree. Thankfully, at this point I had done enough personal work to know that showing up and having fun are more vital directions for success.
During these times it has been difficult to either show up or have fun. I saw six people today, mostly children. For some reason even though many of us are having difficulty bathing and changing our sheets, many parents are turning their perfectionism and lengthy to do lists toward their children. The children, most of them learning from home, are suffering from the same collective trauma the grown ups are. I just received a link last night to a CNN article about Santa Letters received by the Post Office. The letters are very different this year, talking about wanting a cure for COVID19, an end to online schooling, and to keep their parents and grandparents safe. There is discussion of lost jobs and financial concerns.
The struggle is real for people of all ages. Because we have never done pandemic before, none of us have the answers. The trauma means all of us are having difficulty learning new things and regulating our behaviors because that’s what the data shows trauma does to our brains. We are trying to just make it through to the time of hugs and engaged classrooms. Parents want to do their jobs without figuring out digital schooling and the myriad other extra tasks the pandemic has assigned.
The teachers driving by homes waving and honking have touched me deeply. I have seen them on social media holding white boards with math problems in students’ yards. The creative responses of parents, students and teachers have been inspirational. However, I see parents pulling out the big guns in response to children not being able to figure out a brand new system that their teachers are also figuring out.
Please consider less punitive and limited time bounded consequences for what you consider to be your children’s lack of success. The semesters are ending. If the grades don’t show up this tragic year, please be gentle. I celebrate that you are able to bathe and change your sheets. If your children have written in a journal that they then have maddeningly and inexplicably lost along with other assignments like my dear nephew, take joy that you read the journal first. In my telehealth office, I am assuring children that parents love you and will love you anyway even if you fail every class.